Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Conversation with the Minotaur, Part Four


Can you tell us anything about your sex life?

The Minotaur stopped an stroked his chin for a few moments, he started to speak, stopped and then started again.

No one has ever asked me that before. I’ve not been one to kiss and tell and for the most part there is very little to tell. I was locked away in the Labyrinth at age twelve and spent endless years in solitude. Before the Labyrinth I suppose I was involved in a few childish pranks with the other palace boys. We would spy on the female servants as they bathed or occasionally cavorted with some of the royalty or guards, but I was locked away before I became aware of what sex was.

However, after my escape I made my way to Egypt and was declared Nev, god of the surf, when I emerged from the sea. Well, I was still a very young man at the time, at least when speaking about immortal beings, and I had all the normal appetites one would expect. And, as a god, I was a temptation to everyone. Those Egyptians took every opportunity to mingle with their deities.

They say Solomon had 700 wives and 300 hundred concubines in his life, I had that many in a month. They came to me in every size, shape and combination. I was young and foolish and, as a god, I didn’t think I should refuse any offers. Women came, men came, and some came that I wasn’t sure about. Everyone wanted a part of me. But, it was all meaningless. After the first few months I grew to hate it. Why? I think it was because not one of my many consorts truly cared. I think in that time I had enough sex for ten lifetimes. In and out, up and down, standing up, sitting down, this way and that, it all became so tiresome. So, I put a stop to it and spent my time on activities which were far more godly: righting wrongs, passing judgment, helping those who were less fortunate. By the time I left Egypt sex was a mere memory and it stayed that way for many, many years.

So you became celibate?

Well, sort of. I was turned off to humanity. But I did spend time among the cows, off and on. I guess it’s the bullish part of that has this attraction for the Elsies. ( I think Borden stole Elsie the cow from me.) The feeling however, was not mutual. Look at me. I’m human from the chest down. The Elsies are used to cavorting with stern, virile, amply endowed complete bulls, not a half human, less than average sized mutant. Even  though I lived among cows for years, the Elsies never gave me the time of day and the true bulls treated me with nothing but contempt. Talk about sexual frustration.

Celibacy became the norm and I really didn’t mind. And then came Biz, my wife. She combined the best of everything. She was the wolf-girl in the circus I joined and it was love at first sight. She was beautiful, hairy, shapely, kind, intelligent and we had years of wedded bliss before she passed away. Our sex life was one of true love, which made it passionate and a million times better than all the thousands of encounters I’d had in Egypt.

Since she’s been gone I haven’t been with anyone else. The buffed, waxed, simonized women of today just don’t do anything for me. Give me a woman with some hair and maybe I’ll be interested. But, no one could ever replace my beloved Biz. Maybe, I’m just getting old.