Sunday, December 11, 2011

Medical Terms

Antiseptic: the woman married to Uncle Septic

X-Ray: pornographic picture

Cine X-Ray: pornographic movie

CAT Scan: Imaging a patient by running a feline over their body

PET Scan: Similar to CAT Scan, except a variety of animals may be used

Perirectal: in and around a lizard or snake

Clamp: a pain in your side that develops while exercising

Ultrasound: a noise that can only be heard by dogs

Operation: A children’s game that asks the contestant to remove the “wishbone”, “spare ribs”, etc.

ICU: looking at someone

Surgeon: a large fresh water fish

Tumor: one less than three more

Carcinoma: Short for leaving one’s automobile in Omaha

Cervical: a British nobleman named “Vic” for short

Thyroid: a hemorrhoid on the upper leg

Appendix: a program for I-Phone

Kidney: part of a child’s leg

Rectum: stopping short of killin’ em

Resect: have intercourse again

Anal: to dissolve a marriage

Duct: feathered, web footed water fowl

Spinal Cord: a collection of musical notes

Lung: reaching for an object

Lymphatic: physically dependent on tree branches

Hypoglossal: not very shiny

Vagus: not very definite

Peritoneal: Two Irish brothers

Gastric: a joke performed with flatus

Parathyroid: two hemorrhoids on an upper leg

Bile Duct: to purchase a feathered web footed water fowl

Bunion: an onion roll

Metacarpal: to encounter a scavenging fish while swimming

Humerus: funny

Feel free to add to the list