Friday, August 22, 2014

Amazing New Technology

I Dog:

The latest and greatest thing in personal companions. The I Dog, along with the built in I Dog app, allows the user to select all the characteristics wanted in a canine pet. Size, personality, shedding, long hair or short hair, are only a few of the attributes available with the latest I Dog. Long for the complete Puppy experience? Turn off the built in house broken feature and your I Dog will Pee and Poop inside, just like a real puppy. And, don’t worry about astronomical food and vet bills; the I Dog is one hundred per cent digital fun. Just plug in and charge overnight and you are ready for hours of playful frolicking.  Finally, scare off those unwanted guests and would be attackers with the I Dog guard dog app.
The I Dog is coming in time for Christmas.

I Bed:

Tired of the same old mattress, sheets and blankets? This April, the I Bed arrives. Completely integrated mattress, box spring, sheets and blankets conform to every sleep habit. Bad Back? The I Bed senses tight, wound up muscles and arthritic joints, automatically adjusting to provide just the right amount of support and cushion to eliminate lower back muscle pain. Husband snores? The I Bed keeps him turned and even gives him a short jolt to startle him awake and stifle the annoying noise. And, for those intimate moments the Romance App (available separately) fills your boudoir with sensuous perfume, automatically sets just the right mood lighting and senses every thrust and roll to provide maximum stimulation.
The I Bed, available this spring wherever fine bedroom furniture is sold.

I Toilet:

The flush toilet has been around for years with very little innovation. Effective, but boring. Now, American Standard presents the I Toilet. Who says the bathroom can’t be fun? From the perfectly warmed seat to the amazing Elimination App, the I Toilet makes your bodily functions not only necessary but fun!! Even while it spares the environment, the I Toilet enhances the bathroom experience. The seat automatically conforms to even the largest buttocks for maximum comfort. Built in sensors monitor the acts of elimination and micturition and immediately calculate optimum sanitation and cleansing. The optional Bidet App cleanses your bottom with just the right amount of force at just the right temperature.  The included toilet paper app allows the pooper to choose strong or soft with infinite choices, including color. The flush sensors detect liquid or solid waste and adjust the amount of water per flush accordingly. No more annoying multiple flushes; studies have shown that this app actually saves water, thus preserving our limited resources. And, for those days when things just aren’t coming out right, there is a built in catalog of books, movies and music to keep you entertained. Look to the future, Look to the I toilet.

I Back Scratcher

Itches on your back can be sooo annoying. And, if you find yourself alone with an itch what can you do? Rub against a tree? Roll around on the ground? Not very effective or efficient. NO!! You need the I Back Scratcher, the latest in body comfort solutions. Adjust the I Back Scratcher to light scratch for that superficial, but annoying itch or program it for deep and long scratching to feel the comforting scratch deep into those tiring muscles. And, don’t worry if it’s a large area or a tiny spot. The I Back Scratcher automatically senses the itch and provides a timely and soothing scratch either with its five finger mode or, for smaller more localized irritation, the single finger nail probing scratcher. The I Back Scratcher, the latest in personal comfort devices.

I Garden

Don’t have a green thumb? Not even a yellow one? Don’t fret, the I Garden will turn the most incompetent farmer into Johnny Appleseed and fill your home with beautiful flowers and fresh fruit and vegetables all without any fuss or effort. Merely set the I Garden post into the middle of your garden and watch it flourish, all from the comfort of your personal I Garden lawn chair (sunblocking umbrella included only with I Garden Premium Edition).
“But I want to get down on my hands and knees and be part of my garden.” Don’t worry. The Green Thumb app allows you to do as much or as little gardening as you wish. Set it to the lowest level and the I Garden only provides fertilizer and pest control. Turn it up a notch and it will water your sprouting seeds to exact specification. Ramp it all the way up and watch the seeds get planted, watered, fertilized, cultivated, and harvested. Add the I Processor and your fresh fruits and veggies are scrubbed and stored to be enjoyed days, weeks, months or even years later. Worried about pesky crows absconding with the fruits of your labor? Have no fear as the I Scarecrow app zaps these pests and keeps your garden pristine. The I Garden, a must have for every outdoor hobbyist.

I Zoo

You go to the zoo, it’s July and it’s ninety five degrees. Your kids pester you to see the lions, which forces you to make the long trek from the cool confines of the snake house to the Lion’s Den. What do you find? A pride of lions sleeping in their caves, doing the smart thing and avoiding the midday heat. You think: I wish I was a lion, instead of a father having to explain to disappointed children why the lions are hiding.
Sound familiar? Well, you can avoid all these troubles with the incredible, intuitive and customizable I Zoo. Want to see lions. The I Zoo puts you right in the middle of the hunt with crystal clear, life size digital lions projected utilizing the latest in holographic imagery. The picture is so clear and lifelike that you’ll swear you can taste the blood of the wildebeest after the kill. And it’s not just images. The sounds, smells and feel of the African veldt are all available with the patented Sensarround app. Now, suppose penguins are your fancy. I Zoo allows you and your kids to slide down the ice flow, battle vicious seals and consume raw fish. You’ll swear you are right there in the Antarctic.
I Zoo let’s you choose the environment, animal and activity that interests you and it’s more alive and life like than the real thing.
The I Zoo, yours for only $599.95. Senssaround app sold separately.

I Shoes

Feet. We’re born with them, we take them for granted forcing them into any old shoe while all the time they take the abuse until…they rebel. Arches fall, bunions form, nails ingrow and then it’s too late. Chronic pain, crippling inflammation rule our lives because, no matter how hard we try, we can’t ignore our feet. What can one do? Like a noble white night the I Shoe comes into your life freeing you and your feet from endless days and nights of podiatric misery. One hundred per cent intuitive and sensitive to individual needs the I Shoe is practical, elegant, sturdy and comfortable. Built in apps include the arch app, nail maintenance app, odor sensing and elimination app and our very popular massage app. The I Shoe can be worn to a night at the opera or climbing Mount Everest. The sole is completely equipped with the latest 3D technology which allows it to go from a pump with 5 inch stilleto heels to a rugged work boot, all controlled from your smart phone or computer.
Live the life of comfort with the I Shoe, now available at Better Buy and Shoes Are Us and other fine clothing and electronics stores.

I Underwear

You’ve heard of Buck Naked underwear, boxers, briefs and boxer briefs, but we now present the revolutionary new I Underwear. I Underwear is guaranteed to be the most comfortable, versatile, durable and stylish underwear ever. Slip a pair on and the first thing you’ll feel is nothing. That’s right. I Underwear feels like your running free and easy. How can that be? Well, starting at the top, this amazing underwear has no elastic, no waist band, no tags, only the softest, smoothest cotton/nylon/linen blend which conforms to your personal body habitus. Built in sensors allow the I Underwear to anticipate every movement so that the fabric moves in perfect concert with all the body parts it is protecting. And what protection!! Not only are your movements anticipated, but every body fold, every nook and cranny is mapped and catalogued so that the I Underwear provides maximum support. Torn between boxers and briefs, but not sold on boxer briefs? No worries. I Underwear will scan for body shape, perspiration index, odor and nineteen other parameters and adjust to provide maximum support, comfort, hygiene and fertility.
I Underwear, slip into a pair today.

I Aquarium

Work, work, work. At least that’s what many fish owners say about maintaining a home aquarium. Clean the filter, clean the water, feed the fish, change the water, check the pH, stop, repeat. Over and over and over. Is there an easier way? Of course, let technology do the work. The amazing I Aquarium will maintain your fresh or salt water aquarium just like the professionals. Water composition, pH level, alkalinity and acidity, copper levels, aluminum levels, arsenic levels and every other level is continuously monitored and adjusted to provide the perfect, optimum environment for your fine, finned friends.
But, the I Aquarium can do even more!! Tired of the same old boring cichlids? The Piscean App can alter the optics of the tank and water so that even the most boring Black Molly can become a bright, colorful virtual Clown Trigger fish or lovely orange and white Clown Fish.
And, if you want to go a step farther activate the virtual fish tank app. This remarkable and free app will simulate an underwater paradise without the need for live fish or water or any cumbersome equipment. But, you’ll swear it’s all real or we will completely refund your money.
The I Aquarium, a must have for every fresh water and salt water aficionado.

I Car

Start with the first time you set your tush down on the seat and begin the amazing journey. The I Car scanners relay data on every nook and fold of your derriere and adjust the seat to maximum comfort. It’s at that point that you realize you’ve embarked on a special voyage in a special and extraordinary vehicle. But, the I Car is not just any vehicle. It’s a fully automated, customized driving experience which will take you to your destination with a mere push of a button and a few softly spoken words. Settle down into your seat, push START, murmur “supermarket” and lay back as the I Car expertly carries you to the market, all the time gently massaging those tired muscles, playing soft, soothing music while doing all the mundane tasks you dread.
Too tired to get up and push a shopping cart? No problem. Merely upload your shopping list and relax. The I Car delivers your list and arranges to have it brought to your car loaded and brought home. It even tips the grocery boy.
The amazing affordable I Car coming in 2015 from Apple Motors.