“Another Saturday
night, another stint in the Night Clinic,” I muttered as I snuck in the back
door. I wonder what adventures await Miss
James and me tonight.
“Good evening, doctor,”
an unfamiliar voice greeted me.
“Hello, uh…where’s Miss
James?” I asked the heavy set woman dressed in white. I think she sensed my
disappointment.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Barnes,”
she replied, her voice sporting an edge that said I know I’m not young and
blonde and shapely, but I do know my job. “Miss James asked me to cover for
her. She had to go out of town suddenly; something about her twin sister and a
rash and fever. Anyway, she’s not here. You’ll just have to get by with frumpy
old Maggie.”
“Pleased to meet you frumpy
old Maggie, I’m chastised young Dr. Barnes. Anything waiting for me?”
“There’s one patient left
over from the day shift, older man with pus draining from his penis. I guess
Dr. Wacker didn’t have time to get to him.”
I picked up the chart. Fifty-five…no address…arrived at …”three
o’clock. Maggie what’s the deal. He’s been here for five hours.”
“I guess they were
busy.”
I shook my head and
wondered how busy they really had been, then shrugged my shoulders and turned
to face the problem at hand.
“Well, I guess I’m off
into the world of pus-sy penises. If I’m not out in five minutes, page me.”
I knocked on the door
and then entered. Seated on the chair was a very large naked man with a paper sheet over his groin. A large pannus
hung down almost to his knees.
“Good evening, Mr.
Jonas. I’m Dr. Barnes. What seems to be the problem?”
“Well, it’s about time.
The problem? Can’t you see it? I think it’s about to fall off.”
“What’s about to fall
off?” I asked, trying to sound concerned.
“Why, my gentils.
Burning and dripping for days. I knew I never should have gone.”
“Gone where?”
“Upstairs at the
Palace. I knew I’d catch some disease.”
“When did you go to the
Palace?”
“Let’s see it was
Tuesday, no Wednesday.”
“So, you went to the
Palace three days ago?”
“Three days ago? No,
no, no doc. It was, let me think, Wednesday, June 3rd 2010. I just
knew that whore would give me the clap.”
“Mr. Jonas. If it’s been
three years since you went to the Palace, I don’t think your problems have
anything to do with catching the clap from any lady that you might have
encountered.”
“It has to be that. I
haven’t been to any hookers since.”
“Just tell me when
everything started.”
“Well, it was on a
dare. Some of my ‘quote…friends…unquote’
said I didn’t have the balls to go, pardon my pun. Well I proved them wrong. I
went and now look at me.”
I did look at him and
then asked, “you mean that you have all these symptoms you are suffering?”
“No, no, look at how
big I’ve become. Back in twenty ten I only weighed a hundred and eighty. Now I
must be four hundred…”
“At least,” I observed.
This could go on for hours. “Tell you
what, let me take a look at your problem and I’ll see what I can do. Can you
lie down on the table so I can examine you?”
“OK, Doc.” He pushed down
on the table a couple of times, checking to see if it was sturdy enough and
then slowly climbed up and lay down. His large belly hung down over the area in
question.
“Uh, do you think you
can hold your belly up?” I asked gingerly, trying to be at least a little
tactful.
“Oh, sure.”
Beneath the massive
pannus, which was edematous and red I saw a small, retracted penis and scrotum.
After much digging I managed to get a proper hold of it and examined it. There
was purulent drainage emanating from a remnant of foreskin and the suprapubic
area was ulcerated secondary to irritation from his huge apron of a belly.
“I don’t think your
encounter at the Palace is responsible for your current problem, unless you
want to count your guilt at having frequented that establishment. No the
problem you are having is that your belly is too big and it looks like you’re having
trouble keeping yourself clean. Do you have any help at home?”
“Just my mother, but
she will let me have it if she finds out I’ve been to see one of those whores
at the Palace.”
“Well, you really don’t
need to tell her. However, can she help clean you up? I think if you get in the
shower and clean yourself well, and then apply one of the medicated patches I’m
going to prescribe, you’ll be better in no time.”
“We can give it a try.
Mother will do whatever is necessary. It’s what mother’s are for.”
I nodded my head and
called for Maggie. The two of us cleaned him up and dressed the open wounds,
which were actually pretty clean, with Duoderm dressings. I gave him a prescription
for some antibiotics to treat what appeared to be cellulitis of his huge pannus
and a follow up appointment at the family practice clinic at the University
hospital, attention to Dr. Wacker.
Revenge
can so sweet.
“What’s next Maggie?” I
inquired as a rubbed my hands with the waterless cleaner which hung on the wall
at strategic points throughout the clinic.
“Back pain for three years
in room three, lacerated arm in four and a burn to the hand in five.”
“Is it bad, the burn to
the hand, I mean? Because, if it is, then we might as well just call the Burn
Unit now.”
“Second degree at
worst. You should be able to handle it.”
I nodded my head and
then went back to the supply closet to get some a new box of gloves. As I
walked I noticed some peculiar footprints on the floor.
“Maggie, did you notice
these footprints? It looks like some wild animal has been walking around.”
The footprints were
very unusual. They were a cast of dirt and grease, three toes with long claws
which looked like the perpetrator walked for a short ways, then jumped to the
end of the hall where there was a water fountain, and then jumped back, where
there were some more footprints leading
nowhere in particular.
“Very strange, Dr. Barnes,
very, very strange.”
“I guess there’s no
time to worry about it now,” I remarked, believing that one of the patients or
personnel from the previous shift had brought their dog to work. It wasn’t long
before I found out how wrong I was.
I checked on the burned
hand first.
“Hey Doc,” a familiar
voice called out.
“Vince? What are you
doing here at this hour?” It was Vince Smialdi, one of the maintenance workers for
the clinic.
“Well, you know doc, I
was in the back, checking out the store room. I thought I smelled some smoke
back there. Anyway, I was in the store room and I found this. What do you make
of it?”
He held up what
appeared to be half of a large golden eggshell, broken and burned at the edges.
The shell was at least twelve inches wide.
“Looks like one of the
proverbial golden eggs, but I’d hate to get cornered by the goose that laid it,”
I observed.
“That’s what I thought.
Looks like a giant egg shell, but it’s only gold color. Look…”
He grabbed some of the
broken edge and broke a piece off. It was brittle, just like any eggshell.
“A mystery, that’s for
sure,” I replied. Could this have
anything to do with those footprints?
“Uh, Doc.”
I looked up from my
thoughts and saw Vince with a perplexed look on his face.
“Oh, sorry Vince. I was
just thinking. Maggie and I saw some unusual footprints in the back. It wouldn’t
surprise me if the two were somehow related. But first, let me look at your
hand.”
He held up his right
hand. The palm was red with large blisters.
“I got this when I
picked up that eggshell. It was like picking up the business end of a branding
iron. I rinsed my hand in some cold water, but after I got home those blisters
popped up, so I came back here to the
clinic.”
“A good thing, too,
although this isn’t terrible. Second degree at most. Let me dress it for you
and then you can be on your way. No, on second thought, why don’t you stay for a
bit, if you don’t mind and we can investigate some of these strange things,
this eggshell and those footprints. You don’t mind, do you? Let me finish up
with the patients who are waiting and then we can check things out.”
“No problem, Doc. I don’t
have anyone at home anyway.”
Vince had been alone
for years. His wife had passed away and both his kids had moved away and lived
on the west coast.
I left him in the break
room and went back to my patients. I gave the back pain a shot, stitched the
laceration, but then had to deal with a cocaine overdose, a baby with a fever,
a broken arm, two hookers who got into a fight over a “customer” and a drunk woman
who had pneumonia after passing out, vomiting and aspirating. I had to wait for
an ambulance to ship her to the County.
It was 3:30 when I was
finally free. I found Vince sleeping on the sofa.
“How’s the hand?” I
inquired, making small talk as we ventured to the back of the clinic. I left
Maggie up front to man the fort, should any patients arrive. Most nights,
business slowed considerably after about 2:30 am. The bars were closed,
everyone who was going to hook up had done so. Sick kids and their worried
parents had fallen into fitful slumber. It was the time I usually managed to
grab a couple of hours sleep. Tonight, however, I was a sleuth, investigating a
deep, dark mystery.
Sometimes
my imagination gets the best of me.
Maggie had cleaned up
the tracks by the supply room, but I saw fresh ones near the storage closet.
There was a faint scent, like burned plastic.
“Do you think it’s safe,”
I asked, grabbing Vince by the arm. “What do you think is in there?”
My thoughts drifted
back to werewolves, vampires, aliens and so many other bizarre things I’d encountered
here at the clinic.
“Don’t worry, Doc,” he
replied, trying to reassure me. “Two to one it’s an ostrich or something like
that.”
Just to be on the safe
side I picked up a broom that was in the hallway.
“That’s great. If there’s
some sort of monster you can sweep it under the table. You’re not much for
adventure, Doc.”
“If I want excitement,
I’ll go to an amusement park. I’m just an old country doctor, to quote Dr.
McCoy.”
Vince picked up a
flashlight as he slowly pushed the door to the storage room open. It gave a
loud squeak. I thought I heard some fluttering noises. Vince shined his light
to the back of the room, starting at the floor and up to the ceiling.
“There, see them? More
footprints. They lead to that back corner.”
He slowly made his way
towards the footprints, while I followed closely behind, clutching the handle
of the broom, its bristles out in front of me, ready to swipe at whatever vicious
brute was waiting out there, surely ready to pounce on us.
We made it to the back
of the room. There were greasy footprints all over, but nothing else. Vince
shined his light in every corner, but saw nothing. It was at that moment I
glanced up and saw the faint silhouette of something hovering in the corner, wings
beating against the air. There was a faint glow from two deep red eyes and then
flames shot out towards the two of us. I grabbed Vince and pulled him down to
the floor as a white hot stream of fire shot across the room, leaving smoke and
a blackened wall where the flames had hit.
Vince shined his
flashlight at the flying apparition. What was it?
It wasn’t more that
eighteen inches tall, had a lavender body, except for its tummy which was
orange. It had black wings on its back which were rapidly beating against the
air. Its eyes glowed red, illuminated by the flashlight. There were long sharp
claws on its feet and shorter claws on its hands. Its mouth was closed, but
there were sharp teeth pointing upwards.
“A dragon?” Vince and I
both concluded, almost in unison.
“Daddy, daddy,” the
little dragon cried out, staring at Vince.
“It thinks I’m its
Daddy,” Vince whispered as we both crouched behind some boxes on the floor.
“If you’re its daddy,
then go to take care of it, give it a spanking or something” I hissed between
my clenched teeth.
“You’re the doctor,” he
responded. “Don’t you think you should check it out, you know, just to be sure
it’s not injured or something?”
At this moment the
lights came on and Maggie came in.
I jumped up and grabbed
her as fire shot towards the door. Vince jumped up and raced towards the little
monster.
“Aieee…” screamed the little
dragon and then it flew into Vince’s arms.
“Daddy, Daddy,” It
screamed again. And then, much to everyone’s surprise, it licked Vince’s face
and threw its short arms around his neck.
Maggie and I slowly
stood up, wary of the baby dragon’s intentions, but Vince showed no fear as he
looked up at us, the little beast still clutching his neck.
“I guess he’s adopted
you, Vince,” I observed.
“I guess so,” he
answered. “Poor little guy. I bet he’s all alone in the world; last of his kind
no doubt.”
“No doubt,” I agreed.
Vince put the dragon
down and held its hand. They made an odd looking couple. Tall elderly man and
short squat monster.
“You know, Doc, I’ve
been alone for years now. Lizzy’s been gone for a long time and the kids are
all grown and moved away. I was never big on pets, but I think I can make an
exception.”
“Just be careful, you don’t
want to end up half broiled,” I remarked as the three of us walked back towards
the break room.
“What do dragons eat?”
Maggie asked.
“No idea,” I stated. “He’s
sort of lizard like. Maybe insects or fish?”
“Maybe he’s a
vegetarian,” Vince suggested.
Maggie sat down and
took out a cigarette. As she put it to her lips a short flame shot out from the
dragon and lit it, the flame just reaching the end of the cigarette, carefully
measured not to scorch anything else.
“Well, you’ll need to
give it a name. Is it a boy or a girl?” Maggie asked.
“Good question,” Vince
replied. He eyed his new charge up and down from every angle.
“What do you think,
Doc?”
“No idea. Maybe we can
do some DNA testing.”
“What about Pat, or
Robin, or Courtney?”, Maggie suggested. “Those are all good names for either
boys or girls.”
“Daddy, daddy,” the dragon
cried out. “I’m hungry.”
Maggie opened the
refrigerator door and said, “Help yourself.”
The little dragon half
walked and half flew over to the fridge and grabbed my sandwich off the shelf
and wolfed it down. Then it ate an apple, two oranges (which had belonged to
Maggie) and drank a carton of milk.
“From what I can see,”
I remarked, “food is not going to be an issue.”
I looked at my watch. “It’s
almost seven. I think you should be on your way with your adopted monster,
Vince. The less explaining we have to do, the better.”
He agreed. He dressed
the dragon in a gray hoodie which we kept around for just such occasions and
left. As he walked away I called out:
“What are you going to
call him or her?”
He screamed back an
answer, but I couldn’t quite make it out. At that moment Maggie handed me my
coat. It was quitting time. Another eventful Night Clinic had come to an end.
If any readers have an idea fora good name for the little dragon, please leave it as a comment.